Part of the Daniel Plan is sharing in the Friends Essential. I’m thrilled to share another amazing revelation from my beyond-amazing baby sis. Janea’s quick wit, servant heart, and warrior spirit keep me focused and clear. I couldn’t ask for a better woman in my life or friend on this journey. xoxo – Brit*
So, as I mentioned yesterday, I love food. I mean, I really, REALLY love food. Love all of it. Doesn’t matter what. I have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to foods that I want to just make and gorge every. single. one. I am almost embarrassed that I once made a ridiculous concoction called S’mores Monkey Bread that was supposed to serve eight people and we finished the thing with only four people. Food is the best. Food is just… Yummmmmm…. ::Drooooool::
This love for food makes me popular – I love to cook food, I love to have people over for food, I love to celebrate little things with food, I console people with comfort food. But this is not good. For me, or anyone in my life. It had become an idol, making me who I thought I was. I allowed it to define me, control me, and take over what God had claimed for His own. And until November 2012, I let it happen.
I had to change my affair with this delicious mistress. God showed me that I am His, and His only, and He didn’t want to share me with something like food. He wanted to share me with my husband and daughter, my family and my friends. So I started to look at food that kept you alive, not something to live for. It was a bizarre transformation to watch. I had actual withdraw symptoms: headache, nausea, sleeplessness, etc. It was miserable. But I knew I was doing the right thing.
It eventually got easier. I was very restrictive – almost too much so according to some of my close family who watched me eat. I would go through detox phases, and maintenance phases. The detox would be super restrictive to allow my body to cleanse and lose, the the maintenance would SLOWLY introduce foods back into my daily diet in order to make my new weight loss realistic so I wouldn’t just gain all the weight back. I did this fluctuation about 4 times in a year. It worked. But my inner fat kid was screaming, feeling deprived and sick of my limited diet.
Enter in The Daniel Plan. Brit asked me to pray about doing this with her. I did my research, read the book, and actually said, “Hey! This isn’t too far off what I already do – it is actually easier in some places and lets me have different foods. Let’s give it a shot – maybe this is what I need to break my 5 month long plateau.”
Throughout these last few weeks, there has been some weird stuff happening. LOTS of spiritual warfare. LOTS of stressful situations. LOTS of uncertainty about the future. I realized that for me, The Daniel Plan isn’t about the Food. Or the Fitness. Or even the Focus. It is about the Faith and Fellowship. My Faith and Fellowship has been challenged and blessed exponentially in just these few short weeks.
I weighed myself this morning, expecting, hoping, praying to see the number ticked down off the scale. AHHHH! I was the same as the last time. I was angry, I wracked my brain to see what I ate yesterday that could have screwed me up, I even weighed my daughter to make sure the scale was working… I went about my day, exercised to get some endorphins and moved on. And as I was sitting down to write today’s post, I reread yesterday’s to “inspire” me (thank you for the outpour of love and encouragement!).
I began to write about how food had become a god to me, and then it hit me, just now: I have just replaced one idol (food) with another (weight loss). I sit here, in tears, with a broken heart of confession. I have placed the number on the scale and my obsession with it going down before God’s purpose for my body. I cannot keep allowing things to take over me. God wants me to be fulfilled. God wants me to be happy. God wants me to be healthy. But most importantly, God wants ME.