I had a breakthrough Kairos moment this week. I have a deep-seated, fundamentally flawed desire for approval — and it’s stealing life from me.
I’ve always been a pleaser. If there is a problem in my own life or the life of someone I care about, I want to fix it. I tackle anything in my path head on, and more often than not, I’m left overextended, ineffective, bitter and exhausted for taking on too much.
I do this because I am selfish. I want to be known as the person who fixes things; the person who everyone loves because she comes to the rescue. Sinful and prideful, I want to do it better than anyone else, and I want some seriously sparkly jewels in my crown in Heaven — like glistening badges of honor. It’s ridiculous.
I can never hope to receive the love, belonging and self-esteem “pats-on-the-back” required to bring me to some humanistic, god-like state of self-actualization. (Thank you, Abraham Maslow, for giving me the words to articulate that.) Why? Because the effort is centered entirely within myself.
It begs the question: Whose approval am I really seeking, and why?
Here’s the harsh reality: God is not interested in my accomplishments. Ouch.
God doesn’t need me to bring His Kingdom into this world. His will is going to be done whether I’m on board or not. My vain attempts to get Him to notice me and bless me for being obedient are backward and self-serving. It’s so simple it’s humbling… and I have to confess, exasperating! I feel so childish admitting this, but I promised transparency — and this is me, getting very real.
All I have to do is receive it. That’s it. Let go of the lies I’ve believed all my life. Rest in my identity as a daughter of the King of Heaven, and live my life like I really believe it’s true.
And just… soak it in.
(I hope the literal facepalm application of this Kingdom Come sticker will help align my head with my heart. This lion won’t be easily tamed.)
So today, I’m repenting once again and letting go of my unbalanced need for approval. May Christ be my only glory in this world.