Last week, after enduring 20 minutes of me complaining about being overextended and feeling “punished” for any free time I take, a dear friend pointedly asked me, “What if you didn’t blog about the Daniel Plan every day?”
I struggled to respond.
My short answer was, “I don’t know. I let myself down? I am unfaithful to my Lenten commitment? I feel guilty for… not doing what I said I would do?”
What would really happen? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Most of you wouldn’t even notice if I missed a day, and God certainly wouldn’t love me less.
Truth be told, I’ve struggled with follow-through my entire life — and I’m always attempting to compensate for it. In childhood and adolescence, I tried and promptly quit just about everything. Piano. Softball. Clarinet. Viola. Acting. Archery. Art classes. Dance classes. Algebra II. Track. The only thing I succeeded in was leaning way too hard into my parents to bail me out of whatever challenged me at the moment.
That lost little girl is long gone – and left behind is a deadline driven commitment Nazi – terrified of failing, willing to work hands to the bone to get what I want — or think I want, anyway.
In my search for Focus, I am realizing that I even though I might like to, I just can’t do everything – nor am I truly called to do everything. I must be willing to let go of certain things in order to bear fruit through the things that really matter. It’s about discerning that still small voice – to figure whether the pressure I feel is real or manufactured drama.
I have yet to fully define these “things” I need to give up. I may or may not decide to put it in my to-do list for this week. We’ll see.
But right now, my priorities lie with my husband, Mike. He turns 35 today, and asks me for nothing more than a little QT and a Dexter marathon. To-do list be darned, I can’t imagine a more productive way to spend this first chilly evening of spring.